The psychologist spoke about the causes of conflicts in public places
Many people feel ashamed after engaging in conflict in a public place. At first, angry people say many unpleasant words to each other, and after a few minutes they already begin to repent of their deeds. Psychologist Daria Zakharova told Moskva 24 about the nature of scandals in public places.
According to her, aggressiveness can be a character trait, a consequence of mental illness, or a way of responding to some stimulus from the outside. Scientists divide aggression into controlled and uncontrollable. If the second harms others or the brawler himself, it is necessary to consult a psychologist in order to exclude the possibility of developing mental illness.
Zakharova said that since childhood, most people were taught by their parents that being angry or showing anger is wrong and socially unacceptable. Having matured, a person learned to suppress these emotions, nevertheless, sometimes he is faced with the fact that aggressive behavior creeps out in different life situations, including in queues, in transport, on the street, when communicating with public utilities. After conflicts, many of us feel ashamed and vow that this will not happen again, but scandals continue to occur.
In order to reduce the level of aggression in oneself, it is important to understand for oneself that there are no bad feelings, the psychologist emphasized.
“Anger, irritation, indignation, rage are just a signal that at the moment something is happening that does not please a person, violates his boundaries, contradicts his inner convictions. Since many feelings in most people from childhood are forbidden and automatically suppressed, we do not recognize them well, ”Zakharova explained.
As a result, according to her, negative emotions accumulate and at some point turn into aggressive behavior.
The specialist pointed out that any situation must be approached consciously. If you are experiencing internal discomfort, anxiety, irritation, then you should not discount your feelings. The psychologist advised to ask yourself a number of questions, for example, what is happening to you now and how you feel. If what is said or done in relation to you causes an internal protest, you should figure out what important things for you were hurt, and then ask yourself how you can help yourself at the moment. According to Zakharova, this introspection will allow you to better understand yourself, hear your desires and not accumulate resentment and anger. As a result, bouts of aggressive behavior should decrease.
“Show compassion for yourself, apologize to the other person, and analyze what happened and how you should behave. This is necessary in order to gain experience and apply it in the future in a similar situation, ”the psychologist noted.
In addition, Zakharova named several ways to calm down and pull yourself together after the scandal. According to her, you need to take a break and calm your breathing. So, you should take several deep breaths and very slow exhalations. This will allow you to pull yourself together again. In addition, you can turn your attention from emotions to thoughts and ask yourself who is in front of you. Your negative reaction may be premature, the target of aggression may be a completely different person. At the same time, Zakharova believes that at the time of the conflict, one should not calm down the aggressor or try to stop him. According to her, this will make him even more angry.
“Answer in the same tone as your interlocutor, then you will connect to the emotions of the aggressor. Gradually reduce the rate of speech, start speaking more slowly and quieter. You can also ask your opponent to speak more slowly, explaining that you would like to understand him, but you cannot. The person will slow down the rate of speech, and then he will calm down, ”the expert advised.
According to Zakharova, calmness and politeness should disarm the aggressor.
Earlier, American scientists conducted a study and found out what makes men be aggressive.
